Supporting Me For Me

I've written several times about finding the balance between all of my different selves--the mom, the singer, the animal wellness advocate, the artist, the wife, the daughter.  It's tough, as probably every woman knows (we tend to struggle with this more than men--why is that?).  For the past nearly five years, I've put a lot of focus on being "The Mom," dedicating most of my time to my animals, and, specifically, to Indiana.  I don't regret this, but it has left little time for the other selves.  Or, if there has been time, I've felt difficult making decisions that might take me away from caring for Indiana. 

Because we've lived under this umbrella of not knowing how much time she has left, I've not wanted to commit to large projects that will take me away from home, which is partly why I haven't pursued a career in opera in the way I had originally intended.  Again, I don't regret it, and it's allowed me a lot of time with Jim and the rest of my family, and to explore other "selves," like "The Blogger," and "The Cancer Advocate." But now, I've decided to take a leap and do something big, something just for me.

This weekend, I auditioned for a musical, my favorite, "Into the Woods."  A friend had started a new theatre company, one that would do outdoor theatre in the summer, a pretty exciting concept.  After convincing my Mom to try out too, I took the leap and auditioned.  And I made it in.  And I got one of the roles I wanted, the Baker's Wife.  I was beyond excited to be cast, but minutes after I heard, a moment of panic set in.  Doing the show is a two month commitment, sacrificing my weekday evenings for rehearsals.  It's more time than I've given to anything since Indy got sick.  What if something happened?  Was it okay to spend so much time away?  (Even though it's here in town--so no commuting--geez) 

But then I thought to myself, "This is something you want.  This is a part of yourself ("The Actress") that you've missed.  Indy is doing well.  She's stable.  This is a chance to do something just for you.  That's not selfish.  That's okay."  I've put a lot of thought into this decision, and while it's something so different for the new me, I've decided that that's alright.  Jim will be home most evenings, and while yes, I am sacrificing time away from my family, I am enriching me.  I've given so much to others, and now it's time to give back to myself.  So I'm taking the plunge, and going "Into the Woods."