An Open Letter to Small Dog Owners

Dear owner of a small dog,

I love your dog.  I really do.  She is small and furry, and I am an equal-opportunity dog lover.  I love to pet your dog, and maybe, if I'm lucky, get kisses, and though, as a large dog owner (an owner of large dogs, that is, not...ah, well, that one's kind of true too) I don't quite understand why you carry your dog everywhere, thus never allowing your tiny creature's feet to touch the ground, I really don't care what you do in your own time.  It doesn't affect me.  But you know where it does affect me?  At work. 

That's right.  Some of your wee children are super happy to see me, as I am happy to see them.  I am glad to be greeted with wags and kisses and an exuberant personality.  However, there are times that your dog is less than happy to be ripped out of the familiar, loving arms of Mom (or Dad) and handed over to a complete stranger, whom, they know by now, is going to do horrible, awful, unspeakable things to them like give them a bath and trim their nails.  (I would like to point out, for the record, that I am not the one to actually do these horrid things to you, furry creatures; I'm merely the middle-man)  When your dog is struggling to get away from me, more times than I can count, your dog's nails, which are due for a nail trim today, pierce things like skin and my shirt.  Okay.  These things aren't going to kill me.

But you know what totally sucks?  When your terrified, really unhappy dog is ripped out of your arms into mine, causing a very nervous bladder to suddenly open up in a gush of smelly, sticky ickiness, soaking through to my skin.  I am no stranger to pet urine, mind you, and while I'm not exactly afraid of it, and in fact think nothing of cleaning up the piles of urine left by just-as-upset-yet-leashed pets, but there is nothing quite so unpleasant as dog urine soaked into one's clothes.  Again, this isn't the end of the world.  Will I die?  No.  Stink?  Maybe, but I was minutes from going home and taking a shower/throwing every stitch of clothing in the washer anyway.  So no harm, no foul.

Yet, when I return home, I know I will be inspected by the canines in my life.  I'm pretty sure having another dog's pee on you is the doggy-equivalent of having an affair. 

So, my plea, dear small dog owners, is that if you know your dog is fidgety/leaky when you drop him or her off, please consider letting him use the four paws that God gave him.