A Photo-less Update

So sorry for the lack of a photo today!  I do try to post at least one photo, because my animals are super cute. But I realized I've been really remiss in taking pictures of my clan lately, and I have nothing current to share with you.  I promise to do better this week--more pictures! more cuteness! 

Though we're waiting on new test results re: Indiana's kidneys/UTI, she's actually been feeling really good.  We had very unpleasant weather on Sunday, requiring me to drag all 6 of my less-than-willing animals into the basement.  Q went down to the basement on his own (the lure of seeing what I was up to was too great for him), but I had to herd the other 5.  I had to be really strategic about it, because Q was already down there, and not everyone gets along with Q.  Mr. S was my next logical choice, because he and Q are fine together.  Gus hates Q, and vice versa, so I knew Gus would be last to enter the basement.  Plus, he was sleeping in his happy spot, so upon plucking him up from his happy spot, I knew he would be decidedly unhappy.  Indy can't do stairs anymore, so I had to pick all 70 pounds of her up myself, and carry her down a flight of stairs.  It wasn't so much hard as it was butt-puckeringly-frightening.  I was so scared of dropping her or of tripping.  But I knew I was carrying most precious cargo, and I was determined to get her down safely.  And I did. 

Then we had to spend over an hour down in the basement.  Luckily, I have a music studio down there, complete with a couch, so at least it's (relatively) clean and pretty comfy.  But cold.  And after the first ten minutes, the power went off and didn't come back on again for over 7 hours.  Smart Mom that I am, I completely neglected to bring a flashlight ("Nah.  The power NEVER goes out.  We'll be fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine."), so when the power went out, Isis freaked the heck out, upsetting all of the other animals.  I was left with only my cell phone for light, because I didn't trust my animals alone in the basement long enough to run upstairs and get a flashlight.  Plus, you know, death.  There was that to be afraid of too. 

During that hour, my cats were constantly at each other's throats.  Gus was bored, so he would playfully attack Sam or Mr. S, which Q would misread as an actual attack, which caused him to lunge after Gus in a very aggressive way, which caused Gus to react in kind, which caused me to be very annoyed and angry.  That hour couldn't go by fast enough.

In the end, I was able to release the critters back into the house.  I thought about carrying Indy back up the stairs, but sometimes she gets offended if we do things for her that she can do herself, so I decided to let her try (slightly assisted) to go up the stairs by herself.  And let me say that she accomplished that like a rock star.  Then, on three separate occasions later that day,  I saw her up on the bed--where she had climbed all by herself.  She was on a roll, and I was a very happy Mama.  Plus, she's been eating really well and taking all of her pills without a fuss, so essentially, my world is a very happy place right now.

One Where I Get All Deep

This photo is totally unrelated.  But cute.

So, I had a major revelation yesterday.  I'm kind of proud of it, actually.  I won't go into specifics just yet, because, as with everything, it's complicated, but it occurred to me that we often confuse pride for happiness. 

Let's say that you have a job that you're really proud of.  Something that makes for good conversation at a party.  You're really proud that you're, say, the director of an environmental non-profit.  You're really good at it, it was your dream job, and people think it's neat.  It's noble.  You have a job that not everyone has, or can do.  But your job doesn't make you happy.  Maybe it takes you away from home more often than you like.  Maybe you have to travel.  Maybe it's a lot of paperwork and red tape, and lot less chaining-yourself-to-redwoods than you expected. 

But, I'm good at running my environmental non-profit, you say to yourself.  I've made it really successful, and a lot of people benefit from it.  I *am* this organization.  Everyone knows me as Joe Schmoe, Environmental Non-Profit Director.  But then you realize that you hate the ins-and-outs of the job.  They say you have to take the good with the bad, but you find that the bad just doesn't always seem worth it.  You suddenly realize that though you take a lot of pride in your job, maybe even have your identity wrapped up in it, it doesn't make you happy.  You realize that what would make you happy is something totally different.  Maybe you don't even know what that "something different" is, just that it suddenly isn't your non-profit anymore.

Then comes this guilt.  How can I let go something that was my dream?  Something I put so much time into?  Something that makes me special, makes me me.  You worry that by leaving your non-profit, your dream, you will lose a bit of yourself.  All you know is that while you're proud of your job, it's not making you happy. 

And that's it.  That's as far as I've gotten.  But I think I'm right.  Pride and happiness are two totally different things.  I think the key to letting go of the pride is to find it within yourself, without needing outside confirmation that you are something special.  I struggle with this every day.  And someday I hope to have the rest of the answer.  When I do, I'll let you know.

Another Round

My Boo has another UTI.  She's been getting about one a month, which means we are almost constantly treating her for one.  I'm getting to be an expert at diagnosing them myself, and by diagnosing them myself,  I mean that I notice that she is peeing on the floor, and then I have to pay a lot of money for a test that will tell me what I already know.  Then I get drugs.  (And this happens quickly now, because her UTIs go from zero to awful in about 24 hours)

UTIs suck not only because they make Indy feel kind of miserable, but they almost always cause her to alter her eating habits.  So our very restricted dietary options become even more narrow.  I posted a frantic Facebook request for ideas on how to get her to take her pills, because, suddenly, none of our old stand-bys were working.  Cream cheese: no.  Peanut butter: no.  Liver sausage: no.  American cheese: no.  My friends came to my rescue with great ideas, and one idea (thanks, Brittany!) I was able to use right away, because I had all the necessary ingredients already at my disposal: white bread with some corn syrup on it.  This has been working really well.  Miraculously, almost.  But then, this morning, three pills from the end, Indy started spitting out the bread.  So we switched back to peanut butter to finish up, and that worked.  So now, not only is Indy changing her mind meal-to-meal, but, apparently she is also changing her mind mid-meal.  That's super great.

I don't think this infection is clearing up as quickly as the others have, so we'll be taking a urine sample in today to see what's going on.  Usually, after a few days of antibiotics, the urine leaking stops, but we're on day 10, and she's still leaking.  (Sometimes it just takes her bladder a while to tighten back up, but I figure better safe than sorry) 

Overall, Indy seems to be feeling okay.  Pickiness aside, she's eating really well, and she's very alert and happy.  So it could be a lot worse.  But I would love to know why her UTIs have become so frequent.  If you have any ideas or suggestions, I'd welcome any of them!

A Pictoral of Amy and I Being Dumb in Boston

Quack. Quack. Amy and I rode the Ducks.

Every girls trip must include shopping.  And lobster headbands.

Though we actually were staying in a really nice hotel, the ice scoop was the same litter scoop I use at home.  I nearly peed my pants, laughing so hard.  Oh, and we had to use a small kitchen pot as an ice bucket.

Penguins at the New England Aquarium! Amy and I love penguins.  (Amy's a bit obsessed)

The world's cutest penguins--little blue penguins.  You can even see the little guy in the middle shaking his money-maker.

This trip involved a lot of hats.

I told you she was obsessed.

The world's best mac and cheese, at Faneuil Hall. 

The place where everybody knows your name!

I think this picture defies description.

We totally had a drink at the actual Bull and Finch, not the fake "tourist" Cheers bar.  Oh, but that's Diet Coke, since that's how I roll.

More shopping.  Do you think this one looks good on me?

The famous Boston Common ducks. 

Lobsters...in...spaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

It's a bit hard to see, but Amy is giving this grasshopper a rectal exam, natch.

Heh.

Happy Birthday to The Noodle

 My Noodle turns 12 today!

I feel guilty today, for two reasons.  One, while catching up with my online friends (in person) last week, I realized they were barely aware that I had a second dog.  And two, I woke up this morning (not on my own), and I didn't realize until I got an email from Dogster that today is Isis' birthday.  I mean, I probably would have figured it out, but I still felt bad that Dogster remembered before I did. 

I've written about Isis before, usually about how she plays second fiddle to Indiana.  It's not that I love her less, because I certainly don't, but she's independent and neurotic, and well, healthy.  So she requires a lot less from me.  And sometimes I really, really love that about her.  She's so simple.  All she wants most days is food and attention when she asks for it (and she's VERY forward about asking for attention). 

But today my youngest dog turns 12.  True to form, while I was feeling guilty about my delayed memory (let's not call it "forgetting," okay?), Isis was running around the house, happy as a clam, because Daddy had gotten home from work.  When I got out of bed, she simply wanted her food, then she went back to her bathroom (because that's where she chooses to sleep) to nap until lunch.  A simple, happy day for a simple, happy dog.

Jim and I won't let today go without a celebration though.  We're taking Isis out for a run this afternoon (she's deliriously happy on runs), and then for dinner, we'll load up both dogs and take them to Culver's for a hamburger and then to the Dairy Queen for ice cream.  For us, so simple, but for Isis, absolutely perfect.

An Amazing Weekend

Kerry, Me, Andrea, Teresa, and Keri

This past weekend was the 4th Annual Paws 4 A Cure Walk.  If you've ever read my blog before, you probably are familiar with it, as I've spammed these pages for about two months now, trying to promote the organization and my walk team.  I was super excited to fly to Boston with my best buddy Amy and walk in honor of Indiana.  I'd be meeting a bunch of my online pet cancer friends in person for the first time, so I was really looking forward to that.  These ladies most definitely did not disappoint!

Though I had never laid eyes on these women (other than pictures) before, meeting them was so natural and easy.  We're all friends on Facebook, and we've been through illnesses and losses together, so really, we already knew each other so well.  It was just wonderful to finally get to hug these wonderful friends of mine, to look into their eyes and carry on a live conversation.  I know it made us closer than ever.  I am so blessed that I got to have this experience, and to get to share it with Amy. 

The walk itself was amazing.  The day held up to the old adage, "Anything that can go wrong, will."  Poor Keri (the founder of Paws 4 A Cure) was running around like mad the morning of the walk, trying to fix everything that was going wrong.  But it all worked out beautifully.  True, it started to pour down rain during walker registration.  Yes, some families with pets left early because of the weather.  But still, many brave, dedicated souls stayed for the walk, and we were rewarded with a break in the rain in time for the opening ceremonies. 

The opening ceremonies started with a balloon release. 

Everyone was given a balloon on which to write the names of pets up at the Rainbow Bridge.  We released the balloons together, sending our love to our loved ones who have left us.  I wrote the names of my pets that I've lost as well as the names of the pets I was walking for.  You all were in my thoughts that day!  I severely underestimated how hard this would be.  The minute my balloon was in my hands, I started to tear up, and it didn't stop until I was blubbering at the release.  Not only was I missing my own loved ones, but I was crying for all of the pets lost to my PCS friends over the years, especially the ladies on the walk with me.

So many pets gone.  So much love being sent to them.

Then we were off!

Keri put us PCS ladies in charge of leading the walk, which was sweet but nearly disastrous, as we didn't know until about 0.02 seconds before the walk started that we were in charge.  So we didn't know the route.  We may have taken one wrong turn.  Requiring a shortcut through a parking lot.  Followed by several dozen people and their dogs.  Ooops.

After 3.1 miles, we finished!  Teresa was in this photo in spirit, but in actuality, we left her behind on the trail.  Ooops.  Sorry, Teresa!  (Pictured with us in her stead is her amazing daughter Chelsea, whom I totally want to adopt)

After this picture was taken, I hightailed it to the cake tent for, you guessed it, cake.  (We were celebrating co-founder Chee's upcoming 14th Birthday)  I initially got a piece of white cake (my favorite), but then a piece of chocolate was calling to me as well, and since I had just walked a 5K and skipped lunch, I figured I deserved it.  Plus, I made Chelsea split it with me.

This is our good buddy Wilson, a three-time mast cell survivor.  He's a good friend of Keri and Chee's, and now a good friend to all of us.  He knew we were carrying treats and used his adorable looks for evil.  He was constantly extorting us for treats.  Quite successfully, I might add.

The walk was held on the lovely Lake Quannopowitt, in Wakefield, MA 

Me and the ladies, including Paws co-founder Chee!  Check out her sweet ride that her other Aunties and I made for her.

Me and sweet Chee.  I got lots of snuggle time with her, which was awesome.

Team Leaders will be receiving spreadsheets sometime this week or next with all of the information on how much money we raised.  Based on the preliminary numbers I saw, I believe Team Indiana Bones will have raised over $800, which exceeds any number I ever expected to see.  My heartfelt thanks go out to all of our sponsors--some of whom I don't even know about yet.  So if I haven't thanked you, it's only because I haven't yet been made aware of your donation.  Still, I am touched by each and every donation our team received.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and support of me and my sweet cancer survivor!

This simply was a perfect weekend, full of laughter, tears, and so much love.  This group of women is, in a word, amazing.  I am lucky to know each and every one of you.  You all are tremendous people, full of love, with the biggest hearts I have ever met.  I am so fortunate to know you all.  After attending this amazing event, Amy and I decided to make it a yearly ritual.  I hope next year to see even more of my PCS friends, and to raised even more money, and save even more lives!

One Last Push

Finally, after months of planning, I leave for Boston for the Paws 4 A Cure walk tomorrow.  I'm really excited, because I get to meet three of my very good online friends in person for the first time.  As is always the case when I get the opportunity to meet my fellow cancer parents, it will seem so natural, with no awkwardness between us.  When you get to know someone on a very basic level--how a person thinks and feels about their family, sharing all of your fears and celebrations--then meeting in person isn't essential to "getting to know" each other.  But it certainly is icing on the cake.  And to get to spend a whole weekend with these phenomenal women...well, there are just no words for what that means to me. 

One of my closest friends, Amy, is going to be walking with me, and it warms my heart to know that she loves me and Indy enough to do that for us.  We'll both be walking in honor of Indiana, in honor of one of the bravest, most inspiring dogs I have ever known.  And I'll be walking with so many other dogs in my heart too, dogs who have passed on, dogs I never had the honor of meeting (and some that I did), but who I feel like I do know, because of the stories of love, triumph, and, ultimately, of loss, I experienced with their parents.  To those parents, please know that I too love your pets, and they will be so close to me on Sunday. 

It would mean the world to me if you would make a donation to Paws 4 A Cure, either in honor of my brave girl or in honor or memory of your own beloved pet.  So many families face difficult decisions.  Please help make them a little easier.