Hope, or, When Will I Learn

The Princess and The Papa

Cancer is always a roller coaster.  I learned that five and a half years ago, and, it seems, it's still true today. 

Though Indiana's been feeling pretty good, despite the soon-to-be-gaping hole in her back, it's always hard to tell what's going on inside a body.  Bleeding?  Organ failure?  Other tumors?  Plus, when you open up a large wound on the body of a living organism, other organisms, i.e. bacteria, want to live there.  So despite the fact the the tumor itself is not going to kill Indiana, secondary infection might.

In my head, and, well, in my eyes--this tumor looks nasty--I've been wondering how much time we have left, and this is the consummate question for any parent dealing with cancer.  How much time do we have?  I've known forever that this is variable, and often dogs can do much better than their stated prognosis; I've seen it many times.  But when it's your own pet, all previous knowledge is lost.  Advice you've given to others over the course of almost six years?  Out the door.  Suddenly, you're back to square one, turning to your support system for help.  You can't remember anything, and you're scared all over again. 

So after speaking with both of our vets over the last few days, I had a really unclear picture of where Indiana is headed.  What's going to take her, in the end?  Systemic infection?  Kidney failure?  Anemia?  And how quickly?  Any day?  Any week?  Any month? 

During a visit with our primary vet today, we discussed wound care and put a plan in place for keeping infection at bay.  The tumor will be losing its protective skin any time now, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.  We want the whole darn thing to slough off.  Gross, I know, but it's our best chance for survival.  But it opens up a huge wound--I'm anticipating about 4" in diameter--which will be difficult, though not impossible, to keep free of infection.  Twice-daily debridement with Nolvasan, followed by a healthy slathering of Manuka honey, and thrice-daily bandage changes are the plan.  This doesn't sound like a lot of work on paper, but I understand that wound care is terribly time-consuming.  Essentially, I'm clearing my schedule for the near future to deal with this. 

The best part?  My vet told us to expect an open wound for at least two months.  My reaction?  "We have two months?" I seriously didn't think she'd last that long.  Apparently, if we keep her free of infection, she definitely could still be with us.  I was floored.  And thrilled.

I know that our time with our girl is limited.  I know that at any time things could change.  I know that keeping the wound from becoming infected will be harder than it sounds.  But I am up for the challenge.  And so is Indiana.  How could I ever have doubted that?