Connections

As most of you know, I own a horse now.  I've been taking riding lessons for about two years, so I've come to know a lot of the horses who live and board in this barn.  One particular horse, Dolly, captured my heart from the first moment I met her.  At four years old, she's a huge paint horse, higher at her withers than I am tall.  Yet, she's one of the most gentle creatures I've ever met. 

One of the highlights of visiting the barn has always been my snuggle time with Dolly.  She sticks her head out of her stall and lets me stroke, kiss, and hug her huge head.  Most horses like attention, but Dolly is one of the few who will actually let you wrap your arms around her face, as she nuzzles against your chest.  I've always loved spending time with her.  Everyone who meets her can tell that she's someone special.  She's everyone's favorite horse.

About a month ago, Dolly got injured.  Her family and vet thought that a month of stall rest would heal the injury, but over time, she's just gotten worse and is still lame.  Now there might be a new injury, and Dolly is headed to Purdue University today for diagnostics, to see exactly what's wrong.

I'm a nervous wreck about this today.  She's not even my horse.  I know it sounds nuts. 

Last night, I went to visit my horse, Cimba.  On my way out, I stopped to see Dolly.  She was laying down, as she often does these days, and she didn't get up when I came over.  I wanted to stop and speak to her, give her a pep talk for her upcoming trip.  I wanted to give her nuzzles and hugs, and tell her I love her, just in case.  But since she wasn't standing, I wasn't able to give her those kisses.  I did talk to her though.  I told her she was a special horse.  That fate didn't put such an amazing soul on this Earth, only to take it away so soon.  I told her that her work here wasn't done, that she had to get better, to fight, to heal completely.  I told her that I loved her.  A lot. 

In the short time I've owned a horse, I've learned that they are surprisingly fragile.  They are injured easily and some injuries aren't recoverable.  I am hoping with all my heart today that whatever is wrong with Dolly, she can heal. 

So today I am sad, nervous, anxious.  Maybe others look at that and say that I'm crazy.  After all, she isn't even mine.  But love is love.  The heart can't distinguish between who "belongs" to whom.  Dolly has my heart, and she always has.  And she has to get better.  Because I still owe her those kisses.