Looming Decision

The last two weeks have been so Mr. Squiggles-focused, which has been great. Confusing, hectic, shocking...but also great. In the back of my mind though, I do know that Jim and I still have to make a decision regarding Indiana's cancer.

I don't feel like we're any closer to making a decision than we were nearly a month ago when we found out about the cancer. U of I wanted to do the surgery within 2-4 weeks, but I am not prepared to make a decision and don't want to rush into it. There are so many things I still need to know: how long with the surgery take? If we don't do the surgery, what can we expect? Some of the questions are difficult to ask, as it feels like we're giving up on Indiana. If we don't do the surgery, and the cancer becomes a problem, how can I live with that? But if we do the surgery, and she dies on the table, or if she never fully recovers from it, how can I live with that? I feel like we don't win no matter what we do.

I have spent the last four years talking with others dealing with cancer, through our cancer foundation as well as through the online support group I've been active with. I've said a million times, "Any decision made with love is never a bad one." Have I been wrong? Have I been lying? It's so easy to give advice, but much harder to take it. I wonder if that advice has ever given comfort to a parent? Would it give me comfort, if I really, really listened?