Can Lightning Strike Twice?

Yesterday was our twice-annual visit to the oncologist with Indiana. I used to dread it (and still do), but as time has worn on, I don't fear it as much as I did. I know she's licked the cancer. It's been over four years.

Test after test came back good yesterday. Bloodwork: stable. Ultrasound: clear. Chest x-rays: clear. During body mapping for lumps and bumps (of which she has 20--yikes!), two lumps seemed a bit suspicious. So, our oncologist sent the slides off to pathology to be safe. One seemed certain to be fine; the slide didn't look suspicious to our vet's eye. Unfortunately, the slide we were most concerned about came back completely normal, and the one we had written off in our minds, surprisingly, came back as "probable sarcoma."

At first, I wasn't even sure I had heard her right, except I knew I had. My mind went a million different places at once, but mostly, I was pissed. Four years of beating leiomyosarcoma, a miracle in my mind, and my dog might have a *different* type of cancer? Completely unrelated to the first? Abhorrent.

We have her scheduled for a biopsy on Wednesday. Luckily, the vets will be performing it under local anaesthesia, given Indiana's advanced age and complicated medical history, as well as the fact that she's as good as gold. I know she'll do just fine. But then the waiting begins. Three to five looooooong, torturous days, taking us over the weekend. I know the results could still come back benign, and that's what I'm praying for. But I also have to think ahead and prepare a potential plan of attack should the worst come true. With Indiana's health problems, chemo is most likely not an option, so I'll be scouring the veterinary (mostly holistic) community for the best options for her. Something that gives her a good quality of life but allows her to fight this disease.

I never thought I would be back here again, and frankly, I'm really mad about it. I alternate between depression and anger, but anger will get me a lot further, will allow me to be the best Mom I can be. So, I'm still researching and reading books, as I always have, but this time it's for a different purpose. Suddenly my role as an armchair lay cancer expert takes on a new meaning. While researching for others is important, nothing is more important than my own girl, and I will find something to help her. But I'm hoping I don't have to.