Happy Anniversary?

It seems like this time of year is filled with painful anniversaries. Many of the friends I have made through a pet cancer support group lost pets in the spring, and of course anniversaries, or more precisely, holidays, have been on my mind this year.

Yesterday was Mother's Day, and I was really dreading it in many ways. While my own Mom is still alive, young, and healthy, as is my Mother-in-Law, my aunt Carole passed away just 4 months ago. She was a huge figure in my life, like a mother to me. To have her missing on a day when we honor the mother figures in our lives was going to be difficult. I know this because several important days, including Carole's birthday, have already passed this year. I approach each one with a sense of dread, and of loss. I still carry a lot of pain and anger from the loss of Carole. Even the smallest things can hit me and remind me of my loss--something as simple as a Psalm at church, or an item at the store I know she'd like.

Mother's Day was doubly difficult because Mr. Squiggles is still missing. I'm a mother missing a child. My family is incomplete. I think of Mr. Squiggles every single day, but slap a label on a Sunday, and it makes it all that much harder.

I had something of an epiphany this weekend. I was so dreading Mother's Day (even though I wanted to make it special for my own Mom), but it's not the first holiday or event this year that I approached with the same dread. Carole's Birthday, Easter, Mr. Squiggles' Birthday. I feared all of these. But you know what? Those days came and went. I made the best of them, maybe even had some fun with my family. I woke up the next day, and life went on.

Life went on. I realized that I too would survive Mother's Day. I might even have fun. And I did. When watching all of the families at church yesterday morning threatened to remind me of Carole, I remembered this new epiphany and strengthened myself with the knowledge that I would survive today. It doesn't take away the pain, but it makes it more bearable.

So to all of my friends and readers out there facing a tough anniversary of holiday, remember this: you too will survive. The day may be tough, but you'll wake up the following day and carry on. I know there are more rough days ahead for me as I face many more firsts without Carole and Mr. Squiggles. And I will dread them. But I'll get myself through by remembering that I've already survived so much, and I don't intend to stop.


Happy Mother's Day to all of my readers out there who are Moms to both humans and pets alike. Happy Mother's Day as well to my own wonderful mothers, both the one I was born to and the one I married in to! I love you both.