Things I've Learned From My Dog: Anxiety!

To be fair, I've always been a nervous person. Throughout high school, college, and now as an adult, I've spent a decent amount of time thinking, "what if?" Worst case scenarios whiz through my brain at inopportune moments, and are, to be sure, inconvenient at times.

Though I'm the queen of worry, whether it's about an upcoming concert, whether someone might take something I said the wrong way, or whether or not I can cram 12 hours worth of work into the 8 hours I have available, nothing makes me worry quite so much as my furry kids. My worry did not improve when Indiana was diagnosed with cancer. Are you surprised?

After Indiana was diagnosed, to say I was a mess is putting it mildly. Emotional breakdowns not withstanding, I worried every moment of every day about Indiana. Was she feeling ok? Was she reacting to the chemo? Is she breathing? She is breathing, right?

A large part of worry is caused by a lack of control. I can't control the cancer. I don't know what it's going to do. A sensible person will say, "Why worry about something you can't control?" This is totally logical, but honestly, logic flies out the window the minute you get a devastating diagnosis for someone you love. I can't control the cancer, but I sure as heck can worry about it! Score one for me!

At no time does my anxiety grow higher than when I have to travel. The convergence of two tracks of worry: things I can't control (e.g. cancer or kidney disease) and being unable to actually, physically see, with my own two eyes, that indeed, Indiana is still breathing. Indiana's sitters, be it my parents or Jim's, know to expect a daily phone call full of quizzical questions. I may not go so far as to actually ask my Mom if Indiana is still breathing, but I'll ask all sorts of questions she can only answer if Indiana is still breathing. Crazy? Yes. Comforting? Definitely.

When Jim and I travel this week, we've done the best we can to make sure our clan are well cared for. My wonderful in-laws are staying at our house while we're gone to take care of the kids. As always, I won't have to worry that they'll follow our every (obsessive) direction. I know they will. The cat fence (or Stalag 17, as Jim calls it) is finished, so I never have to face the heartbreak of a missing cat ever again. Our wonderful vet tech is coming by to give Indiana her kidney fluids and necessary shots (and, YES!, someone who can give a professional opinion that Indiana is still breathing!). Plus, my parents will be waiting in the wings to help out if anything is needed at home.

So, we're all covered. I shouldn't worry, right? Yet, I will. Bad things happen sometimes, and they are indeed out of my control. All I can do is head off knowing I've done the best I can, and try--though it won't be hard--to have a good time.